CADENCE & KALE
  • Home
    • About
    • Contact
  • Coaching
    • RUN PLAN
    • TRI PLAN
    • YOU PLAN
  • Events
    • Yoga
  • Blog
  • Podcast
  • Freebies
  • SHOP

WORDS

The Medium 75

1/19/2023

0 Comments

 
Picture

The fall was an exciting time for me, I was starting a new job in a different field and I was equally nervous and excited. As the job was remote, a month in I had yet to meet any of my colleagues in person. But that was about to change, I was headed to the home office to finally meet the non-virtual versions of my new coworkers. As I began to pack my carry-on the night before my flight, I got a glimpse of myself in the full-length mirror in my bedroom and I was shocked by what I saw. The vision I had of myself did not match the version reflected. I realized that I had gained weight over the years and it had managed to creep up on me without my realizing it. 

    During my meetings that week, I couldn't stop thinking about my appearance and how others might see me. I was self-conscious about introducing myself to new people and felt more nervous than ever before while giving presentations. As I lay in my hotel room one night, trying to come up with a solution to change, I stumbled upon a TikTok video featuring a very fit man talking about a challenge called "The Hard 75." It seemed like an intense challenge, with five tasks to complete every day for 75 days: drinking a gallon of water, committing to a diet, abstaining from alcohol, no cheat days, reading 10 pages of a non-fiction book, taking a daily progress picture, and completing two 45-minute workouts, one that had to be outside. It seemed impossible, but the more I thought about it, the more intrigued I became.
I’ve tried countless diets and workout routines before, but nothing seemed to work for me. I would always tell myself I would "start on Monday," but then the day would come and go without any action taken. Or I would start something, only to lose motivation after a few days. The idea of committing to a set of tasks for 75 days appealed to me because it was a specific, finite goal. I like making lists and crossing things off, and this seemed like the perfect opportunity. So, I decided to start the challenge the day I flew home. I didn't want to make any more promises to myself about starting in the future. I was ready to jump right in and give it my all.
Water
    The first task on the list was drinking a gallon of water daily. I thought this would be easy since I already carried a reusable water bottle with me everywhere. However, I quickly realized I didn't drink as much water as I thought. The first two weeks were a struggle as I found myself chugging water before bed just to meet the daily goal. I eventually learned to spread my water intake throughout the day to avoid feeling like I was pounding beers in college trying to catch up. Overall, this had a positive impact that I think will stay with me, and I absolutely think I can see a difference in my skin.
Diet
    The second challenge was diet. This is always my Achilles heel because I love all food, so staying on a strict diet has never worked for me. I decided to take a more relaxed approach and set some specific guidelines for myself. I committed to not eating fast food or ordering delivery, and I downloaded two apps to help me stay on track. The first was a meal planning app that offered meal plans for various diets and created a shopping list for me based on my chosen meals. I had all my groceries delivered for the first month to avoid temptation at the store. The second app was a calorie tracker that allowed me to enter everything I ate and automatically calculated my macros and tracked my weight loss. This was a simple and easy way to hold myself accountable. I work in tech and enjoy data, so this was a bonus. I did cheat on the food and alcohol once on Christmas, but that was the only time.
Reading
    The third challenge was to read 10 pages of a non-fiction book every day. Reading isn't a problem for me; I love books and read every day. The non-fiction aspect stumped me because I hate self-help and business books. They always seem self-serving to me, with rich and successful people telling you how you can be just like them if you only follow their advice. However, I didn't give up and found a way to make the challenge work for me. Since I had recently transitioned from sales to marketing, I Googled the list of the top 10 books about marketing and started working my way through them. Some of them were cheesy with repetitive content, but others were great and taught me a lot more than I expected. Reading these books helped me transition into my new role and changed my opinion on non-fiction books. I also learned that being negative and judgmental isn't productive and hope to carry this attitude forward and be more open-minded.
Progress Pic
The fourth challenge was to take a daily progress picture. I didn't do it because I didn't want to see myself as I was at the time. Looking back, I regret not taking the pictures. I think I was afraid that I wouldn't see a difference or that I would quit, and the pictures would be a depressing reminder of my failure. However, I learned that sometimes we learn the most when we do things that scare us or that we don't want to do. Just because we are afraid of something doesn't mean we should avoid it.
Workout
Finally, number five. My weakness is exercise. Immediately I knew I couldn’t commit to two 45-minute workouts (one outside) every day. I didn’t want to set myself up for failure, so I made an adjustment, started calling it “The Medium 75” and committed to one workout every day. A hidden benefit of my health insurance is a free one-year membership to Apple Fitness + (it’s common, and they don’t advertise it, so if you get your health insurance through your employer you should check and see if you get it. They offer the same for Peloton as well). I have an Apple Watch and it syncs with your TV and tracks all your activity, it also adds it to the calorie tracker program I used and as mentioned, I love data, so it was a perfect solution for me. It also shares your info with friends, so I found a workout buddy to help push me. (Thanks Drew!)
 The first few days of the challenge were the hardest, but Apple Fitness + had a 15-day beginner program that walked me through some intro workouts in different categories like HIIT, strength, yoga, core, and dance. I mostly did HIIT workouts with weights because they were fun and felt like the most efficient way to exercise. I did mix it up a bit depending on how I was feeling that day and added in some yoga and dance routines. On those days, I also did a 5-minute core or 10-minute strength workout. As time went on, the workouts got easier and I felt stronger. My body also moves much better than it did when I started. I even got into the meditations, which I was terrible at in the beginning because I couldn't sit still. However, I learned to appreciate the time spent meditating and it has become an important part of my routine.
I'm now on day 80 and I haven't quit yet. Upon reflection, I don't think the point of this challenge was just to make it through 75 days, but to build healthy habits that I can sustain in the long term. I now look forward to my daily workouts and don't see any reason to stop. I have switched back to reading fiction books, but I do think I will indulge in non-fiction more often and am glad I read books that I never would have opened before. My confidence has also been restored but differently. It's not just about how I look, but how I feel. I feel accomplished and capable of hard things, and I don't want to lose that feeling again. I'm glad I found something that worked for me. We're all programmed differently and respond to different triggers and rewards, so this plan may not work for everyone. It's important to keep searching for something that works for you. As they say, sometimes you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find the right one.


Picture
​Katharine Wheeler is the author of "There is no Cloud" and "Cloud Judgement". Kat has a long history in the AV industry, where she worked in sales for 18 years before transitioning into product marketing. She has a passion for technology that began at a young age when she received her first computer, a Commodore64. In her free time, Kat enjoys practicing yoga, playing poker, following sports, and exploring new places - she has visited 46 states and lived in 6. In the future, Kat hopes to one day settle down and own a dog, as well as become the first woman to win the World Series of Poker Main Event.

0 Comments

The High Road

12/7/2022

2 Comments

 
Picture
Like it is - according to Diane

A few years ago I was imagining what the high road might look like as a metaphor. I ended up making a poster that said, “The high road has a great view.”  I was never meant to convey someone looking down on someone, but instead, someone looking down at something. A bird’s eye view often helps us see a bigger picture, and when I imagined the phrase from this POV, it gave the phrase, “take the high road” a whole new meaning. 

—--

The high road has a great view.

Every step reminds me of walking up the winter hill; a crazy carpet in hand. 
Balance reduced to the space between knees and the icy snow - ready to inflict pleasure or pain.
Toes gripping boots, boots gripping snow.
A bruised knee. Hands bracing a fall.
A rogue toboggan darting down the hill. 
Finally reaching the crescendo of wintertime sounds.
Of snow, of breath, of swooshing snow pants and of a runny nose.
I still remember the view. 
It’s splendor magnified with every thump in my chest.
8 years old and we’d climb. Again and again.
Because despite the fact we’d return to the bottom in seconds,
The moments we spent on top, would last us a lifetime. 
The high road has a great view.


Like it is - according to Vail

In theory, taking the high road seems like it would always be the right choice. Rise
above. Don’t let others steal your joy. Not your monkeys, not your circus. And on most
occasions, I like to think that when given the option that I steer up and out of the chaos, with a
vast and clear road ahead.
However, the high road sometimes isn’t/doesn’t seem accessible. We revert to our old
ways of thinking and patterns. One particular place where that high road seems to be eluding
me is in my interactions surrounding my son. I sometimes wonder if because he is a child, my
inner-child is also there with him, unable to gain access to the high road.
The other thought about the high road is whether taking the high road sometimes
weighs on our mental health and doesn’t let us set the necessary boundaries. So, as I think
about the high road, I think about which circumstances make for a smooth ride above and
when it might be best to stay down in the messy struggle to either grow or fight for something
that needs a soldier.
It might be a matter of the heart. Your heart might tell you whether the high road is the
“right” path or not.
High Road
  • Someone gives you a compliment that is not a compliment (see earlier post). High Road.
  • You get a nasty email from someone in a work environment that misses the mark. High
Road.
  •  Someone cuts you off while driving. High Road.
  • Customer service is being rude about a transaction. High Road.
  • Your toddler is having a tantrum. High Road.
Fight the Fight
  • A loved one is being hurt. Fight the fight.
  • Someone has questioned/tarnished your integrity. Fight the fight.
  • The actions of others are causing you harm. Fight the fight.
  • Someone has crossed a moral line. Fight the fight.
Fighting the fight doesn’t necessarily need to be rude, but it requires staying down in the
muddiness of life and making sure that your heart or the hearts of others are safe. It might take
a lot of deep breathing and self-reflection and it might not be the easy way through, but we
want our next destination to be a better, safer, and more inspiring place to be.
2 Comments

Into the Unknown

11/24/2020

1 Comment

 
Picture
Like it is - according to Diane
I feel angry. I feel afraid. I feel confused. I feel sad. I feel frustrated. 

I feel surrender. I feel joyful. I feel like I am on the right track. I feel safe. I feel peaceful. 

Sometimes my body and mind experience all ten feelings within the hour. The paradox.

There are times in my life when I have walked through my days with blinders on - but this is different. This time I feel like they’re not blinders. This is not a loss of peripheral, but both peripheral and what is right in front of me.  Does anyone feel the same?

I have often thought about how powerful the other senses must have to be if (knock on wood) I ever became blind (knock on wood, again). Maybe it’s time to turn up my listening skills, feel the feels, cook, diffuse … but most importantly, it’s time to turn to intuition and that inner knowing. 

I am a little lost at where to go with this post, to be honest. I’m rather blocked; stuck in the muck so to speak. 

I feel angry … when I scroll aimlessly. 
I feel afraid … for my children.
I feel confused … when some people I love are pro-mask and others are pro-conspiracy.
I feel sad … when I feel like I always have to be doing something and then I ignore my kids in the “doing.”
I feel frustrated … that shit isn’t open.
I feel surrender … when I stop doing and just be with my kids. 
I feel joyful … when I stop to count my blessings.
I feel like I am on the right track … when the universe tells me so. 
I feel safe … in my relationships.
I feel peaceful … when I am in the shower, or hot tub. True. 

We’ve always lived in the unknown. Maybe feeling ten feelings at once and the paradox that we are living isn’t about The Unknown at all.

Maybe it’s not that we’ve been blind-folded, but that the blinders have been removed and that our senses are on overload. 

Maybe this isn’t The Unknown at all, but what we’ve known all along. 

Hm.

​
Like it is - according to Vail
​I really didn’t want to think too much about what I was going to write because a blank page is the Unknown.  Once you begin to write, it almost inevitably brings you to uncharted waters.  And what do uncharted waters bring?  They can lead to discovery and adventure, but they could also lead to danger and uncertainty.  As we are facing the Unknown in a whole new way, I don’t want to say that it is easy to think of the journey as an adventure, but it is.  We didn’t pick this adventure.  We didn’t want this adventure.  But, here we are.  Keeping in mind that we must respect fear and danger, what if we change the equation?  Unknown = adventure.  

Here are the things that we do when we are on a new adventure:

We try new things:  I think back on my first adventure out of the country.  I was 15.  I went to Austria, which I had mistaken for Australia only a few months before.  It was the Unknown.  I tried a salad with a dressing I thought looked much like motor oil.  It was great.  I fumbled through learning words in German. I navigated public transportation.  I came back to the United States a changed person because I had gone into the Unknown.  As the Unknown continues, what else can we try?

We take pictures of the good stuff:  When I think of the best pictures I have ever taken, a tie between Dead Woman’s Pass on the Inca Trail and family selfies anywhere, anytime, the reason they stick out is because of the richness of presence and that moment in time.  As we forge into the Unknown, can we take mental or real pictures of the best parts?

We take our favorite people along with us:  I have traveled solo, but I have been surrounded by loved ones and fellow adventurers on most of my journeys.  There was a particular trip to the coast of Italy where my whole family and important friends (Diane) shared the experience with me.  Looking out at the Mediterranean Sea, I was just as grateful for the people as I was for the view.  The view was unfamiliar (and breathtaking), but the people were not. I think the power heading into the Unknown with others by your side is that the circumstances might be foreign, but there is a sense of home in your surroundings.  As we journey on, who will you have by your side?
1 Comment

Anything But Corona

4/8/2020

1 Comment

 
Picture
Like it is - according to Diane

Like many posts I write, the inspiration comes from one place, my bike. There is something euphoric about riding fast, riding familiar streets and riding both up and down hills. Today I am going to share a few takeaways from a particular stretch of today’s ride. It’s a segment of hill that is .85km long with a 2.7% grade (it’s not so steep). It’s called Olimpo and I have ridden it 41 times; 12 this week. 

When I know I am riding the next day, I fall asleep thinking of the ride. All the parts. And I love it .Today I rode Olimpo four times chasing a Personal Best and really trying to crack the top 10 all time scores on Strava. While chasing a PB and a top-ten spot exists, there are much more important reasons I ride. 

Personal Best (PB): 1:57

First Climb:
I approach this climb after taking an easy loop and a fast downhill. From experience, I know that my first climb is usually my fastest so I make a few rules for myself. 
  1. Start fast
  2. Settle in during the middle
  3. Finish Fast
  4. Climb standing
  5. Finish gasping for air

Today I finished the first loop and then thought about how much of an Obliger I am. There was no one else on the hill, so no one to chase, so no one to prove myself to. 

Takeaway: Character is built when no one else is watching. 
Time: 2:02

Second Climb:
I always allow myself to relax a little bit on the second lap so that I can learn from the first climb and implement it on the 3rd. As I approached it today, I had one rule:
  1. Climb standing

Takeaway: Give yourself permission to slow down. Enjoy the ride. 
Time: 2:36

Third climb:
By the third loop, I usually try to do a fast loop leading up to the hill. Today I had a lot of self-talk going on, making myself promises and begging other riders to catch up or slow down so that I could have a friend (aka - competition) to ride up the hill with. I asked myself if I could PR it with my energy level. And I answered, yes. My third loop rules were these:
  1. Don’t break on the downhill leading up to the climb
  2. Take the inside edge of the climb and ride smart
  3. Climb standing
  4. PR it

Takeaway: Your best isn’t relative to the past - it’s only reliant on the present. 
Time: 2:08 

Fourth Climb:
By the last lap I spend the entire loop leading up to the climb planning. Since I was really alone the whole ride, I thought I would imaging Ricky, just in front of me, and I could chase this little avatar up the hill. It wasn’t until I started to descend that I thought more and more about it and decided that I would practice an out of body moment and chase myself. I would imaging a transparent me, just in front of myself and I would chase it up the hill. My rules were;
  1. Climb standing
  2. Push and pull the pedals
  3. Chase yourself
  4. Finish on empty

Takeaway: If you can find rhythm in discomfort, it’s not all that bad. 
Time: 2:02 

I was chasing a PR today. And I didn’t get one. While that is moderately deflating (cause I thought my last climb was smooth) - it will never take away from a ride. I get out on my bike because it gives me the space and time to put what’s in my head, into my legs and lungs. My thoughts are purposeful and present and time and time again, I am left breathless - in the - just rode up a hill as fast as I could - kind of way. 

When life is busy as all hell - it’s hard to find lessons and nuggets. Find your thing - settle in - watch it work. 

  • Character is built when no one else is watching. 
  • Give yourself permission to slow down. Enjoy the ride. 
  • Your best isn’t relative to the past - it’s only reliant on the present. 
  • If you can find rhythm in discomfort, it’s not all that bad. 

Peace.

​
Like it is - according to Vail

​“Raindrops on roses
And whiskers on kittens
Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens
Brown paper packages tied up with strings
These are a few of my favorite things”
 
The Sound of Music
 
I actually don’t envision myself singing these lyrics as I spin freely through the Austrian countryside.  These lyrics remind me of my mom.  She used to quietly sing or hum this tune as I sat in her lap, arms holding me tightly. My mom also lived with us for a month after my son, Oliver, was born.  I would sometimes catch her rocking him back and forth and humming about favorite things. 
 
It is important to have favorite things; those memories of my mom are some of them.
 
As a list girl, I also wanted to share a few of my favorite things these days.
 
  1. Running: I know.  There might be a collective eye roll here, reading that running is one of my favorites.  I definitely got to a point in my life where it wasn’t one of my favorite things.  It was an obligation.  I was running 5 to 6 days a week and shaming myself when I didn’t get the job done.  Here is the “things happen for a reason” moment.  I had to give it up, and not just for a week.  I had to give up running for four years.  In those years, the appreciation came back.  Now when I tie my laces and head out the door, I can’t wait for the kilometers of alone time where my body feels strong and alive.
 
  1. Belly laughs.  This one comes straight from Diane Clement. J  On a weekend where we were sharing a house in Cuernavaca Mexico, Oliver let out one of those giggles that is contagious.  It makes you belly laugh.  Diane told me that day that she tried to make sure she makes her girls laugh at least once a day, just like that.  It sounds simple, and it is.  The greatest thing about having that goal is that you need to be present with the laughter, and when you listen to the giggle, you get so much back.
 
  1. Wine.  I am just being honest here.  I am a sucker for memes about vino that remind us to say, “wine not”.  When I travel, I always try and find a vineyard to visit.  I have a running list of wines that I like and their ratings.  However, I am not a sommelier, nor do I order the most expensive wine on the menu.  Why do I like it so much then?  It is the connection.  My dream scenario is me with a bottle (or a vineyard full) of wine and a group of my favorite people.  For me, wine is to be shared.  When I am sipping on wine, it is the conversation and the connection that make it taste so delicious.
 
  1. Books:  I am a self-professed nerd.  I really love to read, and I am a pretty equal opportunity reader.  Novels, non-fiction, self-help, you name it, I will read it.  From the days where I laid for hours on a bunk bed in the sweltering heat of the summer reading The Babysitters Club to the moments when I am now hidden in our cave-office in the basement pouring through text about education and technology, it has been a constant.  It helps me escape, keeps me company and sets my brain on fire. 
 
The list could certainly go on and it might be different 10 minutes or two months from now, but for now I will be strolling around my house singing.
 
Raindrops on roses
And running through parks
Belly laughs and bottles of wine
And books with worn pages.
These are a few of my favorite things.

1 Comment

2019-2020

1/8/2020

1 Comment

 
Like it is - according to Diane

Last week, when 2020 was approaching I felt the need to exchange the baton so to speak. I did my 19 for 19 and felt good about rounding out the year in pictures, but there was still something missing. This is it. 

For many the closure of one year is a celebration of accomplishments, a look at where ideas and dreams fell flat and a moment of gratitude. For others it means donning a sparkly dress and a glass of bubbly. For others, it means something totally beyond these two ideas. And finally - a reminder that no two people are alike and not all calendars are either. We have the 12 month January-December one, the Chinese calendar which will celebrate New Year on Saturday, Jan, 25 (yes, I looked it up) and then there is the teacher calendar that basically goes from summer to summer. Finally, we have the calendar of the person who is ill. It goes from treatment to treatment. There is no right way (or time) to ring in the New Year and I am glad I procrastinated on this post until this very moment, because yesterday I got clear on a few things. 

I always like to have some words to root me for any given year. I create my own definitions for them and like to put them in areas that pop op on the daily. Post it’s, posters, phone covers, ya know. 

Last years words looked like this:

Can’s: Can’s are can’ts that are flipped on their head. While an inversion is fun, it’s also immobilizing. When can’ts are flipped on their heads, I can walk (or run) around them and get on with my CANS.
 
Hell Yeahs!: A Hell Yeah! happens in the millisecond when your head and heart agree one way or another. A Hell Yeah! lets me know when I should, or shouldn’t do a thing. 

Teamwork:I have someone’s back, someone has mine. We ask the important questions and know - we are on working together. No fixed destination, it’s not about where we’re going. It’s why. 

Creativity: Ideas in motion. 

Roots: Getting out of my head and into my feet. A reminder that growth happens from the bottom up. 

While I still feel a connection to these words and will revisit this list from time to time. I have new words for 2020 and I came up with all of them on my bike ride yesterday. I have travelled a lot in my short life, but if you ask me where my favorite place in the world is, my response will be, “on my bike.” It’s true. Yesterdays ride was 38km up, up, up. It was cold, it was difficult, my legs felt like lead, but I loved every minute of it. Here are my words for 2020, in order of my thought process during the 2.5 hour ride. 

Breathless: Both beauty and grit that leaves us gasping for air and grateful to have it. 

Up: Just like the movie; seeking the wildest adventure. Or - that gnarly hill. 

Aero: The path of least resistance. 

Lean: Lean in. Lean on. Lean back. Lean body. 

These words light me up very much. I am aware that there’s nothing about community or relationships or authenticity, but I think these words are going to spring me out of a 2019 that I confess was exhausting. While I work on bringing my best energy to the table, my relationships, connections and self can only be improved as well. 

Do you have words for 2020? What are they? If you need Momentum to keep you going, click here. 

Like it is - according to Vail

This is the first time that I have begun a free write with absolutely no idea what was going to come out.  I did take the leap and press the timer and figured that it would take me somewhere. I guess it is that idea of taking the first step, setting yourself into motion and that will, by default, bring you somewhere.  Maybe that is what 2019 has been about after all. I haven’t had the same time to plan and think ahead, but I have found myself trying things on and seeing how it goes. A bit scarier than carefully planning the next step and possible pitfalls and outcomes, but without a doubt, lots of learning along the way.  

Here are a few places where I took one step that helped shape where I am today, as we forge into a new year and new decade (this is debatable, but I think it is).

  1. I trained for my first big race since 2015.  Instead of easing back into running, I was convinced by my father-in-law to start with a half-marathon.  Each Monday morning, as I set out for my training runs, I felt a sensation of coming home, coming back to the girl I was when I first started running.  I was nervous at the starting line, that I would be slower and that quite possibly I had bitten off more than I could chew. As I crossed the finish line at the end of the race, almost every body part hurt, but it was faster than I could have ever imagined my comeback to be.  Fueled by the first race and feeling stronger than I had in years, I committed to a second half-marathon in 2019. All those mornings of crawling out of bed to start with one step and then another paid off. In my second race, I crushed my personal best time. At 41, I was faster than I had ever been.

  1. My husband and I took a 17 day trip, leaving my son in the loving care of his grandparents and nanny. Before I became a mom, I had mom idols that seemed to balance perfectly their lives as a mother and also as themselves.  I mentally promised myself that I would be just like that. I would be able to thrive as a loving mom and also as myself, no guilt attached. However, shortly after Oliver was born (probably about 10 minutes) that all changed.  I realized that it would be hard to be away from that tiny human, that balance and guilt-free parenting does not exist. However, in June of 2019, I took a step out the door to go on an adventure and to explore the world with my husband, my friends and probably most importantly myself.  It was incredible. But, it was a new incredible. I did enjoy every last bite of hummus and reveled in the mornings that I didn’t need to get up to do anything other than attend to my needs. All that happened while missing my son almost viscerally. I don’t think you can ever attain a balance while embarking on the journey of parenting, but maybe the idea of it holds some value.

  1. I applied for school, finally, and am beginning the program on Monday.  I have so many emotions about beginning school again. As an educator, I am also a lifelong learner and so the main emotion is giddiness.  However, when I think about why it has taken me so long to finally take the leap to begin my next academic pursuit (this has been on my mind for years), it was most certainly fear that was holding me back.  I was worried that I wouldn’t chose the right path. The right path to study. The right path to lead me where I want to go (which is also a bit hazy), but there was a moment when I decided that I need to just try it on, take a leap, take the next step.  So, here I go back into a space that I love with a hint of the unknown.

I was racking my brain for the person who wrote a quote about doing the next right thing.  It is something that I think about a LOT and I will find the right one, just not in this 30 minutes.  But I did find one by Michael J. Fox. Here it is and this is the gist, “Do the right thing, then do the next right thing, and that will lead you to the next right thing after that.”   I guess it is about having faith that if you know the next step you take is the right one, eventually it will lead you down the path you need. That is what 2019 was about for me. And now I am taking a huge step right into 2020.

​
Picture
1 Comment

Spilled Milk

9/6/2019

1 Comment

 
Like it is - according to Diane

We have all dropped the glass, glass shards all over the floor, broken the egg, dunked the cell phone (sometimes twice in the same pool), opened the carbonated bottle too fast, bubbles spewing everywhere, spilled the paint, the wine, the soup, the coffee, the oil, and … the milk.

Spilled milk; the metaphor for that little thing that didn’t go your way, probably today - or ten minutes ago, cause let’s be honest. Life is FULL of spilled milk - and most often, just when you are on your way out the door - and five minutes late. It. Just. Is.

Last night I had an event at the school. I was to be on stage in business attire at 5:15pm, with a presentation to parents to follow. At 4:40 I discovered I was locked out of my office - business attire and presentation notes inside. 

I sent a few frazzled messages to chat groups asking for clothes, but the moments faded away and I found peace in what was. Worse things could have happened. 

No one was hurt. No one was sick. No one was in danger. No one died. 

By 5:05pm I lost hope that a key might be found to open the door. I graced the stage unshowered, and in a dress that a fellow coach was kind enough to give me off her body. I settled for the running shoes I was wearing and the presentation - well, I had created it - so the nuts and bolts were in my head and in my heart.

Running shoes, dress, unwaxed legs, no presentation notes, and materials missing from presentation summed up to a laughable evening that I could only have fun with after I realized that’s what I was dealt with for the night. That was my hand.

Life is a game of cards. You can buckle and fold when things don’t measure up to what you consider a good hand, you can bluff, you can play the blame game and accuse people of playing unfairly, OR, you can hold on to your “I really don’t give two shits” chips. Just hold em - don’t give ‘em, don’t bluff, just hold on and let go of the need to give two shits. Cause when the milk is spilled, remember, no no one is hurt, no one is sick, no one is in danger, no one is dead. Grab a piece of toilet paper or an old rag, and carry on. 

Cause the reality is, people are hurt - call them. People are sick - check in on them. People are in danger - lend a hand. People (and our planet) are dying - care.

Spilled milk is just a reminder that there are bigger fish to fry - or better yet … no fish at all.
Picture
Like it is - according to Vail

We all know the saying goes, “don’t cry over spilled milk.”  However, when it spills, sometimes there are tears. In my mind there are two types of spillage and sometimes I think it is ok to break the rules and let it out.
What is the milk after all?  The milk is the little mistakes that you make that aren’t supposed to hurt that much, but sometimes they do.  

Type 1: I spilled my own milk.

There are moments in life when you leave your computer behind you and it gets stolen in Starbucks.  There are moments when you leave the gym, pregnant, and you drop your keys in the middle of the street, rendering yourself momentarily homeless.  There are moments when you are in a rush and you crash your car into a beam in the parking lot.

What makes this your own milk is that for the most part, it affects you.  You did it to yourself and you are left dealing with the consequences. I used to get scary mad at myself over this spillage.  I would call myself stupid, beat myself up about it and not be able to let go. (Let’s be honest… this is still sometimes my immediate reaction.).  We have been programed to think that mistakes make us bad, therefore often make us sad.
The more and more I have spilled my own milk, however, the more and more I really do believe these can be opportunities to grow and learn.  When you spill your milk, you might actually remember not to put it on the edge of the table next time.

Type 2: I spilled my milk on someone

These are the moments that you say something about someone and they were listening.  These are the moments when you forgot your dad’s birthday. These are the moments when you buy a “best friend” necklace with a friend, when you already own one with another friend.
Here is where I consider myself kind of an expert.  There is visceral feeling I still get when I think about these milk spilling incidents in my life.  These ones don’t just affect you, they affect someone else. The clean up here isn’t easy and you often are not in control.  You can apologize, take actions to try to rectify the situation. But, in the end, you did it. You spilled the milk on them and they are wearing the dirty clothes.  Not you.
In my mind, there is only one way to clean up this kind of mess and that reflection and again, growth.  I actually think these moments have been the ones where I have imprinted on my heart the kind of better person I can and want to be.

A final note: Crying

Though I don’t run around the city crying at the drop of a hat or a glass of milk, I think it is ok to cry.  Quite often when we spill the milk and the tears flow, it wasn’t just the milk. It was the million of things that lead up to the milk.  As I keep learning and remembering all the time, everyone has a story that we don’t completely know and understand. So, the next time someone spills the milk and the tears start flowing, pick up a rag and help them out.
​

PS. To all the breastfeeding moms out there, this is for you.  You are extra allowed to cry when you spill the milk you just pumped.
1 Comment

Mexico City Traffic

6/18/2019

1 Comment

 
Like it is - According to Diane

Let’s start here. In Mexico, there isn’t a driving test to get a licence. You pay $40, go to the transit office with a proof of address and an official ID and your licence is ready in about five minutes. It is very convenient. Until it’s not.

I discovered the licence thing during my first year here, when I would see people repeatedly put their right blinker on - and then turn left. Or vice versa.  And the old saying landed, “They know not what they do.” Most people here in the city have never had to learn the rules of the road. For that reason, it is unsafe to cross the street on the crosswalk, because for many, the white lines are not understood.

There are also stoplight inconsistencies. You know the delay in lights where your light turns red, and then there are two-three seconds before the opposite light turns green. In Mexico City, we don’t have that delay. One light turns red WHILE the other turns green, and when it does turn green, the person behind you honks (in case you didn’t see it turn green). Add this to the fact that many people driving in Mexico believe that red lights are optional, and intersections take on a whole new meaning.

Many entrances to the highway do not have a space to enter and merge, you just enter the “slow” lane and hope the car behind you will slow down while you accelerate. Most traffic police are on their phones, or passing the “secret book” to the person they pulled over so that they can deposit bribe money into it to pay them off (confession - I have paid it three times). Some days a road is reversed in direction, and others it isn’t, motorcycles have no lane, the potholes are sometimes a foot deep, bus drivers truly believe that they have the right of way 100% of the time, the street signs are often twisted and you can’t tell which way is which, people often walk on the road instead of the sidewalk, there are streets where you’ve seen or heard of muggings so your guard goes up when you are stopped on them, people constantly stop/park in the right hand land of some of the cities busiest streets, and driving 5k can often take over an hour. This list is just a start.

Why would anyone drive here?  

Mexico city has advanced so much with accessible alternatives. We can take the metro-bus, the subway, register for Mobike, Eco-bici, V-bike, E-conduce Scooters, Lime, Grin, Movo, Bird Foot-Scooters or, we can walk. So why would anyone drive?

Driving in Mexico, sometimes this means the difference between bread on the table and no bread on the table. In my case, I am becoming more-and-more aware of the privilege I live - and driving is a choice.  When you move to a city with 21,000,000 bustling souls, sometimes you just gotta put in a podcast and be grateful you get to listen to the whole thing before you get home.

Toot, toot.  

Bonus! Check out THIS amazing birds eye of the city!




Like it is - According to Vail
 
Traffic… that word.
 
You have no idea what that word does to my body and my stress level.  My brow begins to furrow, my heart starts to race and unfortunately inappropriate words begin to fly out of my mouth. 
 
The scene.  It is Christmas time in Mexico City and I have had a long week at work.  All I want is to get back to my house, open a bottle of wine and enjoy the weekend and the season.  On my 9.2 km (5.7 miles) commute back that sunny December day, at about 2 hours in, I was at a complete standstill.  I could see my building.  It was almost taunting me as I sat there helpless.  There was nothing I could do.  I thought about abandoning my car…
 
This is how bad it gets.
 
However, as most things in life, the difficulties often teach us a lesson, if we will let them.  What traffic has taught me is that it is all about how we manage and respond to situations that counts.
 
Sitting in that traffic jam that day, I was livid.  Fuming. 
 
I would like to think that if I were in that same traffic jam today, I would relax my shoulders and let go or let it be.  It isn’t that I have reached a complete Zen state with traffic these days, but I usually chose to do one of two things:
 
Avoid it:
I sold my car shortly after the Xmas car fiasco.  Whether hitching a ride or taking an Uber, I let someone else take the wheel.  That shift of not being in the driver’s seat has allowed me to relax and curse less. 
 
Also, I love to walk.  If at all possible, I walk instead of driving.  In this city, it is usually a time saver. It is also a whole lot healthier.
 
This may seem extreme, but I also say no to moving far from my house during peak traffic hours.  If I have to struggle for hours to get somewhere, I am not going to be in the mood to enjoy it.
 
Make it your playground, your adventure:
 
Now, there are some places I have to get to in my car.  It is inevitable.  I have to get in the car and I have to behind the wheel.
 
There are moments when I am stuck behind an endless sea of red taillights and my breath begins to quicken.  That is when I decide how I want to play.  I might call a friend, play a podcast or meditate (eyes wide open, listening to my breath).  I try to remember that I will not get anywhere faster the angrier I get.
 
Big cities mean heart-crushing traffic.  However, in Mexico City, like most cities, there is insanely amazing food, a plethora of art exhibits and events and incredible weather for you to enjoy it in.
 
So, strap on your seatbelt and get out and enjoy life.  (I just suggest you do it on the weekend, with less traffic.)
Picture
1 Comment

Momentum

4/15/2019

4 Comments

 
​MOMENTUM on Spotify, on Buzzsprout on Itunes
Like it is - According to Diane

Momentum.

Momentum is such a powerful action, it deserves a period. About a year ago, I was listening to one of my mentors (do mentors need to know that they are your mentors?) Ange Peters, talk about life. This is a gal who has not only found her calling, but has created such a playground out of life. She lives a life of choice. Not of obligation. Ange spoke about momentum and about how to create it, and sustain it.

I fell in love with the word. And I started to use it more and more. And one day, the idea came to create a program, and call it just that.

Momentum.

Y’all may know. I love my bicycle. So much in fact, that after living in six countries, and visiting a bunch more, that if you asked me today, “Where is your favorite place on Earth?” My reply would be, “On my bike.” Doesn’t matter where. Heart pumping. Sweat dripping back to the Earth (or sometimes in my eye), the occasional vocal exhale that sounds as if I was plunging an axe into a tree trunk, wind - lots of it. There are places you can go with people you love, and your legs, your lungs and your heart take you there.

Momentum.

I don’t always have a vault of momentum. There are times, when my tank runs dry, when that voice in my head acts like a roadblock and stops me in my tracks. When that thing I wanted to do doesn’t get done, that conversation, the thank you card, the minimizing, the story rewritten, the big idea, the small idea, the check-in, the letting go, the cake baked, present bought, the act of service, the book read, the book written, the outfit sewn, the new recipe, the trip, the puzzle … and I could go on and on. I lose momentum all the time. And that is ok. We all lose momentum sometimes.

Momentum.

There have been hiatuses  - when my bike has needed servicing because it hasn’t been ridden in so long (not many … but there have been some). When saddling up seems daunting because I am out of practice. Isn’t this just like life. That thing you want to do, but don’t - cause you are out of practice.

I invite you.

Step outside yourself for a moment - take a good look at yourself and let the inertia of your deepest desires be the wind in your sails. That thing that’s calling you, there’s a reason for that. As the great Gretchen Ruben says, “The years are short but the days are long.” Live a little life every single day and your wheels will forever be turning.

Saddle up friend. Fear and all. The Unknown is abundant.

​
Like it is - According to Vail

Momentum will change your life.  How do I know? It has already shifted mine in two ways and I feel like there is possibility for so much more transformation.  

When Diane and I began to brainstorm Momentum, we moved 12 small pieces of paper around my kitchen table, trying to figure out which order we would use to give Momentum its biggest impact.  In those initial moments, I knew we were on to something. I didn’t know exactly what, but I knew it was BIG. In a frenzy of creativity and creation, we were able to get the structure of the Momentum book, planner and program in place.  However, life happened and the little pieces of paper got put away as the school year and a new baby entered our lives. Though it was still on my mind, like an itch that still needed to be scratched, Momentum seemed to lose Momentum.

This was life changer #1: Keep moving, no matter what… and let others help you get going, if you need an extra push.

With my baby at around 4 months and while I was taking on another venture (see life changer #2 for more details), Diane called and really wanted to finish what we had started.  To be honest, I just didn’t know if I could do it. I felt stuck with Momentum and I didn’t think we could possibly complete it by the proposed finish date. Enter type A personality.  I shut down because I didn’t think I would meet my initial expectation for myself. BUT, who made the deadline? We did. Could we still get our puzzle pieces together? Could we still move forward?  Yes, we could and we did, mostly by the positive energy and actual grunt work of Diane. I needed that push and I needed to be reminded that forward is forward.

Fast forward several months and Momentum is published!  It is in our hands and it is magic. We begin. Not as as had planned, but we take the first steps, start the first module and gather a group of incredible people to helps us pilot.  We dig in.

Life changer #2: There is a feeling in your gut that lets you know what you should and should not do.  Be careful about where you put your energy and as Diane always reminds me, don’t do it unless it is a “Hell, yes!!!”

There was a day when I had an extra 15 minutes on my hands.  In the spirit of Momentum, I decided to reflect on our module about Energy In and Energy Out.  When I put the pen to the beautiful Momentum planner, I realized that I had been giving my energy to something that made my shoulders tense and my stomach cringe.  In that moment I made a decision and I wrote it down, I was going to let go of one of my three side-hustles. (It was that venture that was blocking Momentum, making it feel impossible to finish.) It didn’t light me up, it wasn’t something that was going to positively impact lives in the way that I want to and most importantly it was sucking time and energy away from my time with baby Oliver.

I can’t wait to see how else Momentum will positively change my life and yours.  ☺

​
Picture
4 Comments

Saying No

6/19/2018

1 Comment

 
Like it is - According to Diane

Every time I come to write a post, I am wishy washy about starting the timer. It's like ripping a bandaid off - maybe even worse. You just have to press start, and let the words come naturally.

This week's topic has been rolling around in my head this week. It almost feels like there are stones drifting about - because it can be a heavy topic. I don't want to write with heavy hands or heart, and so, I have been playing with how to make it a little lighter - and less the 1980's anti-drug commercial - see below.

Saying NO - is a bold form of expressing your YES.
Let's play with some scenarios.

In 1999 my boyfriend of a couple of years broke up with me. Hi Jesse!  When he came back, cause he always did, something powerful inside of me could only utter one word to him. "No." I wasn't saying no to Jesse. I loved him with all of my heart and continued to do so for many years after. No, my one powerful word was not about Jesse at all. I was saying yes to the the adventurous soul inside my body, the one that would board a 747 just three months later and take a trip to Asia that would change the course of my life, and many others - I hope.

When someone says no to you and you feel the sting (and heart wrenching ache) of rejection, consider for a moment, that's it's really not about you at all.

Another prominent no that comes to mind, was one that I uttered through trembling lips in 2003. I allowed a stranger to share a cab with me late at night. One thing led to another, and I ended up with a knife at my neck, locked in a garage. My stranger friend asked me to take my clothes off. I remembered some advice my brother Dave gave me: If anyone ever steals you (real life people) and they have a gun, you run. You never get in a car with someone who has a gun. We waltzed around the garage for what seemed like an eternity, and my "no" was fierce and firm. What was my yes? My one word response was actually saying, "Yes I am strong. Yes I am alive. Yes, he will let me go."

He did, albeit with a kick out the door.

There NO's that redirect you, NO's that build you up, and there are NO's that pivot you from one course of action and into a whole new trajectory.

In 2011 I was dead set of moving to Kenya. I signed up for the Bangkok job fair to be held, January of 2012, planned a three month trip to south-east asia and penciled in the details of my life (my travel map was even in the shape of a heart). But on Nov. 27 of 2011, I met Ricky. The curiosity and instinct superseded my previous ideas and when it was time to cash in on all of my planning, I simply said, "NO."
I sold and gave away most of everything I owned, paid a change fee for my ticket and three weeks later, was jet-set for Mexico City.

My NO was a YES, to a life that has been richer than any I could have imagined.

I always tell people, If you asked me seven years ago to list five cities I would never move to, Mexico City would be one of them. Goes to show - it's not where you are - it's what you are.
​

Saying NO is not a closed door. You don't have to be a people pleaser or complacent. You don't have to say NO when NO feels wrong. And when you start to get clear about what your YES is, saying NO isn't just important - it's necessary.


Like it is - According to Vail

As a self-proclaimed people pleaser, saying no has been a challenge for me for most of my adult life.  I have been asked a few times to think back about why I say yes when I want to say no and when it all began.  I know I wasn’t always this way.  In fact, my mother calls me her strong-willed child.  When I didn’t want to eat my grilled cheese because it was cut the wrong way, I said no.  When I didn’t want to go to the top of the Hancock Tower in Chicago, I let my opinion be known, loud and clear.  It is a bit of a mystery when that power to say no began to get clouded with wanting to be easy-going and pleasing others.
 
Now, I think it is probably a positive thing that I no longer have tantrums when something does not go my way, and I think there is something to be said about being able to compromise when necessary.  However, I am constantly trying to build my “no muscle” or at least be conscious about when to use yes and when to use no.  When I look back there are several instances where I wish I had said no:

  • The moments when my boss or bosses asked me to take on more than I could handle or to do something that did not align with my morals
  • When a certain “shall remain nameless” boyfriend asked me not to break up with him
  • Any moment that someone ordered a round of shots at the bar… this led to many other choices that needed a no
  • To “friendships” where the person wasn’t encouraging me to grow but rather dragging me down
 
With all this talk about no, I would be remiss not to mention that I do believe that being open and saying yes to new opportunities and adventures is something that I believe is important.  If I were a total no person, I probably would have missed out on many of the life-shaping experiences in my life.  If I wielded no for every instance where something feels uncomfortable I wouldn’t have:

  • Studied abroad
  • Lived in Colorado
  • Gone back to school to become a teacher
  • Moved to Mexico
  • Continued with fertility treatments even when I felt like I was exhausted
 
Though they are tiny, little words, yes and no can really be powerful.  Use your super-powers wisely!

1 Comment

FOMO

4/11/2018

2 Comments

 
Like it is - According to Diane

Fear. Of. Missing. Out.
I used to be the girl who opened up the dance floor and who closed down the bar. Who hit the after parties, and who walked home in her bar clothes, often, in the morning, not having slept. These habits crept their way well into my 30s. I was afraid that if I didn't go until my battery died, that I would miss out of the chance to be funny, the chance to find someone special, the chance to be accepted, the chance to find an adventure. And when I think about FOMO in my past, it's interesting how it is totally connected with a night out on the town, probably wasted.

Ironically, I am probably missing out on many of the details of my life, having been inebriated for a good portion of weekends between the ages 18-35; that's 17 years. Ugh!

Peculiar  how life morphs, sometimes over the course of a night, and sometimes in the blink of an eye.

I don't know when my relationship with missing out changed. But it did. Perhaps, in the blink of an eye. 
I do not miss sloppy nights out and hangovers. I no longer feel like I need to prove myself when my inhibitions become porous with the help of a drink. I do not miss feeling large and in charge with it's me and my drink-ski. I don't miss any of it. None.
When I think about missing out, now, in my early 40s, it's much closer to home. It's right here, under my nose … and I have mentioned it again and again. I fear missing out on what is happening in my real life, away from my phone.

I feel like a hypocrite writing this, because it feels a hell of a lot like do as I say and not as I do. For that reason, I offer you no advice.
​

My phone is a drug. Truth is - I feel like I NEED it to advance. To get ahead as I work my way to financial freedom. The problem - is that I lack the focus to open it - do desired task, and close it. There is always one more post, one more scroll, one more search. Opening to check the weather has me racing down a rabbit hole, unaware of what is going on in my peripheral vision (aka - my real life).

So, that's what I have FOMO about these days. Perhaps this isn't a post to advise you at all, perhaps this is when I say HELP! What's working for you and how can I get a grip (no pun intended) on this relationship.

I don't want to miss out - and here's your permission slip to call me out on it if you see it happening. You can kindly say, "Diane, life is amazing out here!" I'll get it. xo
Picture
FOMO might look like this.
Like it is - According to Vail
​
​My first thought about FOMO was that I used to really struggle with the Fear of Missing Out when I was in high school and college, but I am much more evolved now. I am rarely worried these days if I miss a party or if I hear that others have gotten together and I wasn’t there.  That used to really get me going. The negative thought patterns would set it. Did they not want me there? Am I not fun to be around? Am I a total nerd? You get the picture. So my conclusion was that I don’t have a FOMO problem… then, I thought again.

Now that I have fully embraced my nerdiness, which I would rather call uniqueness, I think FOMO shows up in two other major areas of my life.
  1. Living Abroad FOMO: When one lives abroad, far away from family and many friends, it is probably impossible for the geographic distance not to cause FOMO.  I really LOVE my family and when I see post or pictures of them together in Michigan. My heart aches all the way down here in Mexico. I am worried that I am missing all the important moments.  I fear that I am losing connection. I sometimes am racked with guilt that I am not there, that I am missing the little stuff. This is the big FOMO in my life.
  2. Phase of life FOMO: Another manifestation of FOMO I could characterize as more of a phase of life fear.  I am a late bloomer in many senses when it comes to the big milestones most people go through as an adult.  This does not mean that I regret the pace at which my life has unfolded, but at every pass I have kind of felt like I was behind.  In my twenties, when my friends were pairing off and getting married, I decided to chuck it all and move to another country. The experience of living in another country was thrilling and new, but I couldn’t shake the FOMO on marriage.  I wondered what it was like and if I would ever make it down the aisle. I did.
This continued and deepened as those pairs began to have children and create their families.  My husband and I began to try to catch up, to create a family of our own, but it wasn’t as easy as it looked on Facebook and Instagram.  We struggled, and struggled and struggled. We met with doctors, we tried almost anything that you can imagine to become parents, but at so many moments it seemed impossible and elusive.  Cue FOMO. I grieved and felt the FOMO of becoming a mom. Every belly that I saw was a crushing reminder of that fear.

So with so much experience with FOMO, what is the solution?  I have found that really investigating the fear, getting to know it and letting it be gives it space and allows it to release a bit of a grip on my life.  I discovered Tara Brach during the last part of my FOMO journey and she uses an acronym with self-compassion: RAIN.

Recognize what is going on;
Allow the experience to be there, just as it is;
Investigate with interest and care;
Nourish with self-compassion.


Makes a lot of sense to me to fight one acronym with another.  The Fear of Missing Out, like any other fear, will always be there, but I think that we get to decide how scary it is and how much space in our lives it can take.  
​

One final thought on the specific fear of missing out.  You chose your life. If you are missing out on something, it is because you chose the other option.  So, enjoy the hell out of the option you chose.
​

Brach, Tara. True Refuge: Finding Peace and Freedom in Your Own Awakened Heart. Bantam Books, 2016.
2 Comments
<<Previous

    Categories

    All
    Exercise
    Frustrations
    Getting Unstuck
    Lifestyle
    Nutrition
    Reflection

    Archives

    January 2023
    December 2022
    November 2020
    April 2020
    January 2020
    September 2019
    June 2019
    April 2019
    June 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017

    Authors

    Diane Clement is a 40 something whipper snapper who believes that the key to staying young is to have kids late in life. She hasn't slept in 36 months. 

    Vail Hilbert leaves footprints of radiance everywhere she goes. She's working on being as authentic as possible and this may lead to the occasional, "No, but thanks for asking!"

    Picture

    RSS Feed

Proudly powered by Weebly
  • Home
    • About
    • Contact
  • Coaching
    • RUN PLAN
    • TRI PLAN
    • YOU PLAN
  • Events
    • Yoga
  • Blog
  • Podcast
  • Freebies
  • SHOP